Sobbing Goblin

When I was hurt as a child, it was usually my parents that did it. I spent the time after alone crying. I would scream and cry and no one ever came to hold me or comfort me. I was told I need to learn how to toughen up and comfort myself because no one else was going to do it in the real world. They were right.

Now grown, in the real world, I don’t ask for help with my feelings. I push them away and ignore them like I learned. Eventually they build up and I cry and cry and cry. Sometimes I unleash all my pent up hurt on the unlucky person that reminds me of something that really hurt me in the past. It’s hard for me to process my feelings because I spent so many years learning to not “throw a fit over nothing”. Usually I just turn it inward so I don’t make anyone but myself feel bad.

I carried the sadness and hurt with me and didn’t know how to process it. It put a heavy weight over everything I did. It made being happy very hard. I found other people that don’t process their pain in a healthy way too. It was very lonely. I did feeling sad and surrounded by blank emotionless faces.

Today I will enjoy my coffee. If I feel sad; I won’t keep it to myself. I’ll find people to care about me and that can comfort me when I’m sad. I will space myself from people who don’t process emotions and repress them. It’s strong to cry in front of people you trust. Being venerable is brave.